How to deal with conflict and anger?
Conflict is inevitable in a relationship, but anger is a choice. Bringing anger into a conversation with a partner is entirely within your control. While expressing that you are angry or upset about something is totally okay, using anger to scare, persuade, or disturb a partner is not.
If there is a lot of anger in your relationship, there is likely not enough safety and understanding built between you both. There is a feeling that you have to protect yourself, or that you have to scream to be heard. These are horrible, toxic forces in a relationship. Occasionally losing your cool and apologizing about it later is one thing, but building a relationship that involves constant anger and conflict is something much worse.
The only way to deal with anger and excessive conflict is to quickly and lovingly address it, and work to rid it from your relationship. Anger and contempt are cancers to relationships and they are forces that should not be tolerated.
Can couples therapy help with anger issues?
Absolutely couples therapy can help with anger issues in a relationship. In fact, couples therapy often helps when people notice when things like anger, sadness, loneliness, fear, jealousy, or shame are ruining their relationship. In fact, that is what couples therapists are trained to do.
Both people have to see anger as a problem, and want to change it. Couples therapists cannot stop someone from letting their anger control them. But, Couples therapists can help people change when they want to change.
If a couple is committed to changing their relationship, including making sure anger does not destroy it, then couples therapy can help. There are many ways, exercises, skills, and modalities therapists can use to help couples change. The key is finding a couples therapist that you both like, and committing to the process.