Marriage is a partnership that usually starts with vows of love and devotion but might occasionally find itself navigating rough waters. There’s a good possibility that if you’re reading this, your marriage is experiencing difficulties. But do not be alarmed; opportunities always lurk beneath the surface of a crisis. We’ll go over five essential actions in this article to help you weather the storm and reestablish the foundation of your relationship.
Table Of Contents
First: Remain Calm
Second: Identify What Your Partner’s Primary Concerns Are
Third: Do The Opposite from What You Have Been Doing
Fourth: Calmly Request To Work It Out
Fifth: Accept That You Cannot Control Their Choice
The Bottom Line
First: Remain Calm
Emotions might run high in a marriage that has reached a breaking point. Before anything else, try not to lose your composure. Often, outbursts and quick reactions make things worse. Remove yourself from the situation, breathe in, and gather your thoughts. Now is the time to have a calm head and a steady heart.
Research indicates that many couples go through difficult times in their marriage (Abreu-Afonso et al., 2022). A report indicates that between 40 and 50 percent of marriages in the US end in divorce (Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, n.d.). Nonetheless, it’s important to keep in mind that crises don’t always result in divorce; they can also serve as catalysts for constructive transformation.
If you panic, or respond with strong emotions at your partners (anger, desperation, etc.) then you may unintentionally make the problem worse. Instead, try the best you can to stay cool, slow things down, and focus on getting yourself and your partner to not make any hasty decisions.
Second: Identify What Your Partner’s Primary Concerns Are
It is imperative to to get to the true source of the problem. Unfulfilled expectations, unsolved disputes, and unmet desires are frequently the root causes of marital issues. Spend some time talking to your partner honestly and openly. Inquire, pay attention, and make an effort to understand their main concerns.
Research has found that poor communication is a major cause of marital strife (Ajaegbu et al., 2015). According to research in the Journal of Marriage and Family, spouses who said they had trouble communicating with each other were more likely to be unhappy in their unions (Lavner et al., 2016). By acknowledging your partner’s concerns, you can facilitate positive communication and can begin problem solving together.
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Third: Do The Opposite from What You Have Been Doing
Einstein once stated, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” It is time to interrupt the pattern if your marriage is in trouble. The need of taking a completely different approach from your current behavior in order to revitalize your marriage cannot be emphasized.
Take this as a chance to change your perspective on how you have been acting and thinking. Think back to the things you did and said that may have contributed to the circumstances you find yourself in. If you have been controlling, try letting go; if you have been distant, attempt to connect. Think about taking the opposite action.
Couples who actively concentrate on altering unfavorable habits may find greater success in resolving their differences (Carstensen et al., 1995). Selecting a new strategy on purpose shows your spouse that you are committed to making the change and fosters an environment where they may feel inspired to follow suit. Promoting good change is essential, whether it takes the form of increased communication, displaying weakness or paying attention.
Never forget that being willing to take the opposite action not only shows that you are committed to developing, but it also creates the groundwork for a new relationship built on mutual respect and cooperation.
Fourth: Calmly Request To Work It Out
It’s appropriate to communicate your intention to resolve the conflict when you’ve gained understanding of your partner’s concerns and have taken steps to alter unfavorable behaviors. Resolve to commit to the partnership in a calm and truthful manner.
Instead of placing blame or making accusations, this is the time to demonstrate sensitivity and a sincere desire to start over. Establish a secure environment for candid communication. Remind your partner that you respect and value their feelings as you express your wish to work together to overcome the obstacles.
A research article in the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy states that couples who actively seek out professional assistance have a higher chance of surviving obstacles in their marriages (Lavner et al., 2016). During this crucial stage, seeking the direction and support of a trained therapist or counselor can be quite beneficial.
Fifth: Accept That You Cannot Control Their Choice
Even while you can take proactive measures to save your marriage, you must accept that you have little influence over your partner’s decisions. A relationship can only be repaired by two dedicated people. It’s possible that your spouse needs some time and space to consider their feelings and make decisions about the future of the marriage.
The importance of accepting your partner’s influence is emphasized by research from the Gottman Institute, a well-known hub for marriage and relationship studies. You may foster an environment of mutual respect and understanding by acknowledging and honoring their autonomy (The Gottman Institute, n.d.).
Usually, power disputes might persist between spouses due to a fear of relinquishing control. Couples can truly resolve their power conflicts by accepting influence. It simply means that you are willing to consider things from your partner’s point of view, rather than agreeing with everything they say. In actuality, this results in shared power or a win/win.
The Bottom Line
When a marriage is in trouble, it’s important to handle things with compassion and a cool head. You create the conditions for potential healing and development by remaining composed, acknowledging your partner’s worries, modifying unhelpful habits, demonstrating your commitment and embracing the unpredictability of their decision.
Just keep in mind that while statistics might draw attention to the difficulties that many couples encounter, they also show that obstacles can be overcome. All marriages are different from one another, and each couple’s journey to reconciliation is distinct. You start a path toward restoring communication, restoring trust, and finding the love that first drew you two together when you follow these steps.
References
Abreu-Afonso, J., Ramos, M. M., Queiroz-Garcia, I., & Leal, I. (2022). How Couple’s Relationship Lasts Over Time? A Model for Marital Satisfaction. Psychological Reports, 125(3), 1601–1627. https://doi.org/10.1177/00332941211000651
Ajaegbu, O., Ajike, E., Lekan, F., & Ajaegbu, C. (2015). An Empirical Study on the Causes and Effects of Communication Breakdown in Marriages. Journal of Philosophy, Culture and Religion, 11. https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Emmanuel-Ajike/publication/305488851_An_Empirical_Study_on_the_Causes_and_Effects_of_Communication_Breakdown_in_Marriages/links/5790f09e08ae108aa0401ede/An-Empirical-Study-on-the-Causes-and-Effects-of-Communication-Breakdown-in-Marriages.pdf
Carstensen, L. L., Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (1995). Emotional behavior in long-term marriage. Psychology and Aging, 10(1), 140–149. https://doi.org/10.1037/0882-7974.10.1.140
Lavner, J. A., Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (2016). Does Couples’ Communication Predict Marital Satisfaction, or Does Marital Satisfaction Predict Communication? Journal of Marriage and the Family, 78(3), 680–694. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12301
The Gottman Institute. (n.d.). Marriage and Couples—Research. The Gottman Institute. Retrieved February 5, 2024, from https://www.gottman.com/about/research/couples/
Wilkinson & finkbeiner. (n.d.). Divorce Statistics and Facts | What Affects Divorce Rates in the U.S.? Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, LLP. Retrieved February 5, 2024, from https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/
Written By: Dr. Wasif MD
Edited by: Madison Vargas, BS
Medically Reviewed By: Dr. Kyle Zrenchik, PhD, LMFT
Published : 02/19/2024
Disclaimer: ALL IN Therapy Clinic aims to improve people’s lives. We do this through providing effective mental health counseling by passionate professionals. Inspired by this, we write content for your own education. Also, our content is researched, cited, reviewed, and edited by licensed mental health professionals. However, the information we provide is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Additionally, it should not be used in place of the advice of a qualified healthcare provider.
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