One of the hardest decisions a person can make is whether to pursue a divorce or continue being married. It necessitates thoughtful analysis and reflection. We’ll go over five important things to ask yourself in this article before deciding to break your marriage since it can change your life.
Table Of Contents
Have I Talked About My Problems In Depth With My Partner, Do They Understand?
Are The Issues Changeable?
Have We Really Tried To Improve Things?
How Will This Decision Impact Me Financially?
How Will This Decision Impact Others?
The Take Away
Have I Talked About My Problems In Depth With My Partner, Do They Understand?
The foundation of any successful relationship is communication. It’s important to determine whether you and your partner have discussed your problems and whether they realize how serious the situation is before considering a divorce. Couples frequently experience difficulties as a result of unclear or unspoken emotions.
According to statistics, one of the main causes of marital problems is a lack of communication (Strizzi et al., 2020). In an American Psychological Association poll, 27% of couples stated that poor communication was the main cause of their divorce (Tuck & Tuck, 2012). This emphasizes how crucial it is to have candid discussions about marital issues.
Spend some time talking about your feelings and opinions with your significant other over a meal. Make sure your partner understands how serious the problems are. This is an important stage to assess your partner’s willingness to improve the relationship and to provide the foundation for possible solutions.
Photo by Cottonbro studio
Are The Issues Changeable?
In a marriage, it is not necessary that every issue can’t be resolved. It’s essential to assess whether the problems producing discomfort are comprehensible or ingrained and unlikely to be fixed. Certain obstacles could be brief or disposable, but others might be a sign of underlying issues that are hard to work through.
Studies show that financial conflicts, cheating, and an absence of intimacy are the main causes of divorce (Scott et al., 2013). Nevertheless, knowing whether these are modifiable will greatly impact your choice. For instance, monetary difficulties can be resolved with careful budgeting and financial planning, but cheating may call for more involved measures like couples counseling.
Think about getting expert advice to determine the extent of your marital difficulties. Therapists or marriage counselors can offer insightful advice about how things can improve and steer both parties in the direction of an improved outcome.
Have We Really Tried To Improve Things?
Assessing whether both partners have truly made an attempt to strengthen the relationship is essential before making the decision to end it. Like everything else in life, marriage calls for commitment, hard work, and a flexible attitude. Studies indicate that couples who proactively pursue assistance through therapy or counseling have a higher probability of resolving their differences and avoiding divorce (Kepler, 2015).
Couples therapy improved marital satisfaction for 60 to 75% of the participants, according to a study published in the Journal of Family Therapy (Lundblad & Hansson, 2006). This emphasizes how crucial it is to take proactive measures to keep a marriage intact.
Consider if you and your partner have looked into other options to deal with your issues. Have you gone to therapy or engaged in activities designed to make your relationship stronger? When deciding if a marriage can be saved, evaluating the degree of commitment to problem-solving can be valuable.
How Will This Decision Impact Me Financially?
Financial ramifications of divorce can be severe for all parties. You should consider how your financial situation will be affected by the divorce before opting to dissolve a marriage. The average cost of a divorce in the United States is between $15,000 and $20,000, according to the National Endowment for Financial Education (Crail, 2022).
Take into account the possible costs of legal counsel, child support, alimony, and asset split. Evaluate the effects of a divorce on your future earnings, expenses, and general financial well-being in addition to your own financial condition. You can plan for the setbacks that can occur after a divorce and make better decisions if you are aware of the financial ramifications.
Further, consider the financial impact this will have on you ongoing. Being a single parent is not cheap, losing the wealth you built up over your marriage is devastating, and losing your partners income (if there was one) will be a big adjustment. Consider the financial impact on you now, and later.
How Will This Decision Impact Others?
Divorce has far-reaching effects on family members in addition to the divorcing couple, particularly if children are involved. Research repeatedly demonstrates the detrimental effects of divorce on children’s well-being as they are especially susceptible to the emotional consequences (Anderson, 2014).
According to a study that was published in the Child Psychiatry and Human Development, children from intact households are less likely to face emotional and behavioral challenges than those from divorced families (Wood et al., 2004). Divorce can also sour ties with friends and extended family.
Think about how your choice will affect your loved ones in the bigger picture. Are any substitutes present that put the welfare of all parties concerned first? Mediation and other collaborative divorce techniques may provide a less traumatic and more peaceful approach to dissolve a marriage for families and children.
The Take Away
The choice of whether or not to dissolve a marriage has a significant impact on the lives of friends, family, and children in addition to the parties involved. Being able to communicate is the foundational element of any relationship. A meaningful conversation serves as the cornerstone around which prospective solutions are constructed.
The second crucial element that becomes apparent is the flexibility of issues. Not all issues are impossible, and it’s important to recognize the differences between issues that require concentrated effort to overcome and those that are deeply embedded.
The third factor, effort, includes a sincere desire to make an effort to strengthen the relationship.
The fourth area of reflection is the financial impact, which is a practical factor.
Last but not least, consideration for how decisions may affect other people—particularly kids, relatives, and friends—adds a significant element to the process.
People can learn more about their relationship, their chances of finding a solution, and the wider effects of their choice by answering these five important questions. Navigating this difficult terrain requires open conversation with a spouse and seeking professional advice. Always keep in mind that making an informed choice is essential to your well-being as well as the well-being of people around you.
References
Anderson, J. (2014). The impact of family structure on the health of children: Effects of divorce. The Linacre Quarterly, 81(4), 378–387. https://doi.org/10.1179/0024363914Z.00000000087
Crail, C. (2022, July 29). How Much Does A Divorce Cost In 2024? – Forbes Advisor. The Forbes Advisor. https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/how-much-does-divorce-cost/
Kepler, A. (2015). Marital Satisfaction: The Impact of Premarital and Couples Counseling.
Lundblad, A.-M., & Hansson, K. (2006). Couples therapy: Effectiveness of treatment and long-term follow-up. Journal of Family Therapy, 28(2), 136–152. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6427.2006.00343.x
Scott, S. B., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Allen, E. S., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention: Implications for Improving Relationship Education. Couple & Family Psychology, 2(2), 131–145. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032025
Strizzi, J. M., Sander, S., Ciprić, A., & Hald, G. M. (2020). “I Had Not Seen Star Wars” and Other Motives for Divorce in Denmark. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 46(1), 57–66. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2019.1641871
Tuck, R., & Tuck, C. (2012). Communication. In Somebody Shoulda Told Me. Lulu.com.
Wood, J. J., Repetti, R. L., & Roesch, S. C. (2004). Divorce and Children?s Adjustment Problems at Home and School: The Role of Depressive/Withdrawn Parenting. Child Psychiatry and Human Development, 35(2), 121–142. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-004-1881-6
Written By: Dr. Wasif MD
Edited by: Madison Vargas, BS
Medically Reviewed By: Dr. Kyle Zrenchik, PhD, LMFT
Published : 02/05/2024
Disclaimer: ALL IN Therapy Clinic aims to improve people’s lives. We do this through providing effective mental health counseling by passionate professionals. Inspired by this, we write content for your own education. Also, our content is researched, cited, reviewed, and edited by licensed mental health professionals. However, the information we provide is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Additionally, it should not be used in place of the advice of a qualified healthcare provider.
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