Co-Parenting Counseling

Parenting is difficult, even under ideal circumstances. Parenting can become even more difficult if the parents need to also navigate tough issues like divorce, a child’s medical or behavioral disorders, disagreements about discipline, and/or relationship issues being brought into parenting decisions. 

Co-parenting counseling can be useful when two parents are struggling to feel aligned, and are believing that their child is suffering because of this. Usually guided by a Family or Child therapist, Co-parenting counseling is designed to offer ideas, strategies, healing, and guidance to parenting navigating tough issues. This may include helping parents separate parenting issues from other issues in their relationship, which can be difficult.

Most medical insurance plans include family therapy. Co-parenting would likely fall under family therapy. Federal laws have also been passed to require medical insurance to cover behavioral health, which family therapy is a component of behavioral health. In order for co-parenting treatment to be covered, someone must meet the criteria for a mental health diagnosis. Thus, the co-parenting treatment must directly be related to helping address the mental health issues of someone in that family, be it the child or a parent. 

There are 3 different types of co-parenting: Parallel, Conflicted, and Cooperative. 

Parallel parenting is when each parent operates nearly entirely separately from the other parent. When the children are with one parent, there is one set of rules, norms, and behaviors. When the other parent is with the children, their rules, norms, and behaviors are now in place. The parents operate very distinctly from each other, and there is little influence welcomed from the other parent. 

Conflicted co-parenting is when there is engagement between the two parents, and that engagement is full of conflict. Arguments, battles, and sometimes undermining behaviors would define a conflicted style. This type of co-parenting style is often the worst one for children to love under as there is no escape from the dysfunctional relationship their parents have. No child likes to see their parents fight, and this style immerses them in it.

Cooperative co-parenting is when both parents value creating consistency, peace, and safety for their children. In this style, the parents communicate, compromise, and accommodate each other for the best interest of their children. Not only is this the healthiest style of co-parenting, it is one that preserves a relationship of mutual respect between the parents. Co-parenting can be difficult, especially if the parents are divorced. With a clear plan in place, guided by shared values, Cooperative co-parenting yields the best results for their children.

Healthy co-parenting usually looks like two parents working together, feeling mutually respected and aligned, and providing a safe and nurturing environment for their child. Healthy co-parenting is not perfect, and misalignments or mistakes happen. But, Healthy co-parenting is rooted in a shared belief that it is in the child’s best interest for the parents to work well together. 

In the case of a divorced couple co-parenting, the couple does not necessarily have to display a loving relationship to the child, but they still must display a relationship that role-models respect and support. No child likes to see their parents not like each other. You will know when you are having good co-parenting when your child knows that they cannot play you against eachother, when you both have a generally similar vision of how you want your child to be raised, and when the child feels safe and comfortable being around you, both together and separately.