Help! I Think My Fiancé Wants To End It
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Help! I Think My Fiancé Wants To End It

Relationships can put us in difficult situations and are unpredictable, just like life itself. It might be really frightening to have the strong impression that your fiancé is thinking about ending things. Consider establishing a strategic mindset rather than giving in to fear. We will look at five practical ways to help you understand your partner’s worries, communicate well, and maybe save a failing relationship in this article.

 

 

Table Of Contents

First: Remain Calm

Second: Identify What Your Partner’s Primary Concerns Are

Third: Do The Opposite of What You Have Been Doing

Fourth: Calmly Request To Work It Out

Fifth: Accept That You Cannot Control Their Choice

The Bottom Line

 

 

 

First: Remain Calm

 

Remaining composed is crucial amidst the tumultuous emotions that accompany the suspicion of a failing relationship. An American Psychological Association study found that emotional upheaval and stress can have a major influence on one’s capacity for making decisions (American & Psychological Association, 2021). Remember that you are facing a difficult moment and that your greatest ally is logic. It’s important to realize that you are not the only one who has relationship problems. Two-thirds of engaged couples report having pre-wedding worries (Lavner et al., 2012). This is not unusual, and it highlights the need to maintain composure instead of giving into panic.

 

Resolving doubt is frequently a process rather than a final goal. It requires patience, comprehension, and persistent work. Throughout this process, you and your partner will need to have patience with one another. Hastily attempting to dispel uncertainty may result in annoyance and more strain. It is better to approach this situation with an open mind and a calm demeanor.  During this time of high emotional stress, it can be helpful to take some time for yourself. Coping mechanisms like deep breathing exercises, meditation or physical movement can help reset your mind and your emotional state.

 

 

 

 

Second: Identify What Your Partner’s Primary Concerns Are

 

Any relationship needs good, solid communication at its core, and in times of uncertainty, it’s critical to try and understand your partner’s concerns. To illuminate the dark places where uncertainty frequently lurks, open and honest conversation serves as a source of light. It makes room for you to talk about the fears and doubts your partner might have. In addition to relieving your emotional load, having an honest conversation with your partner about their issues helps you better understand their worries. Active listening, or genuinely trying to grasp your partner’s viewpoint without passing judgment, is a necessary component of effective communication. A study by the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin has found that open communication about issues leads to greater relationship satisfaction (Johnson et al., 2022).

 

Strive to establish an environment where your partner feels comfortable discussing their opinions by starting a sincere conversation. Gaining insight into their main concerns will not only highlight potential challenges but also set the stage for productive discussion and problem-solving. Moreover, handle this discussion with empathy, trying to understand their feelings as well as simply absorbing what is being said. Empathetic communication is shown to be a major factor in the stability of relationships by statistics (Zhan et al., 2022). Pay close attention to the subtleties of your partner’s emotions as you explore their problems, building a stronger bond and creating an environment that is favorable to finding a solution.

 

Fiance wants to end it

Photo by Alena Darmel

 

Third: Do The Opposite of What You Have Been Doing

 

Sometimes, negative recurrent behaviors can act as a roadblock in a relationship. Bad habits can be hard to break but if they are contributing to your partner’s relationship doubts it’s important to reflect on them and address them. Take into consideration giving your partner more space if you’ve been too dominating. If they have been neglected, take the initiative to express your love and devotion. It takes deliberate work to break free from bad habits, yet doing the reverse can revitalize a relationship.

 

To add even more excitement, think about introducing new surprises or activities. According to statistics, couples who try new things together seem to be happier in their relationships (Hogan et al., 2021). Accept change as a stimulus to regain the spontaneity and excitement that first brought you together, rather than just as a cure.

 

 

 

 

Fourth: Calmly Request To Work It Out

 

One of the most important steps in repairing a relationship is to demonstrate your resolve to overcome obstacles. Research has shown that couples who work diligently to resolve their differences report higher levels of marital happiness (Abreu-Afonso et al., 2022). Emphasize the importance of the relationship and gently express your wish to work through the challenges. Research indicates that couple’s therapy can greatly enhance the results of relationships (Lebow & Snyder, 2022), so if needed, suggest obtaining expert help.

 

Together, develop a plan of action for the future during this phase. Talk about concrete steps you can take together to resolve issues and improve your relationship. This cooperative strategy not only shows your dedication but also encourages a feeling of shared accountability for the success of the relationship.

 

 

 

 

Fifth: Accept That You Cannot Control Their Choice

 

It is important to acknowledge that although you have power over the direction of your relationship, you have no control over your partner’s choices. The significance of autonomy in relationships is emphasized by a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (Don & Hammond, 2017). Realizing this idea frees you up to concentrate on your own development and well-being, regardless of the success or failure of the relationship. If your partner decides to leave the relationship despite your attempts, put self-care first and ask friends, family or a therapist for help.

 

 

 

 

The Bottom Line

 

It might be frightening to consider the idea of a faltering engagement because relationships can be full of twists and turns. By taking a strategic approach to the problem—staying composed, recognizing issues, ending bad habits, demonstrating your dedication and accepting your degree of autonomy—you give yourself the ability to handle the uncertainty with grace and perseverance.

 

 

 

 

References

 

 

Abreu-Afonso, J., Ramos, M. M., Queiroz-Garcia, I., & Leal, I. (2022). How Couple’s Relationship Lasts Over Time? A Model for Marital Satisfaction. Psychological Reports, 125(3), 1601–1627. https://doi.org/10.1177/00332941211000651

 

American & Psychological Association. (2021). Stress in AmericaTM 2021: Stress and Decision-making during the Pandemic.
Don, B. P., & Hammond, M. D. (2017). Social Support in Intimate Relationships: The Role of Relationship Autonomy. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 43(8), 1112–1124. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167217705119

 

Hogan, J. N., Crenshaw, A. O., Baucom, K. J. W., & Baucom, B. R. W. (2021). Time Spent Together in Intimate Relationships: Implications for Relationship Functioning. Contemporary Family Therapy, 43(3), 226–233. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10591-020-09562-6

 

Johnson, M. D., Lavner, J. A., Mund, M., Zemp, M., Stanley, S. M., Neyer, F. J., Impett, E. A., Rhoades, G. K., Bodenmann, G., Weidmann, R., Bühler, J. L., Burriss, R. P., Wünsche, J., & Grob, A. (2022). Within-Couple Associations Between Communication and Relationship Satisfaction Over Time. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 48(4), 534–549. https://doi.org/10.1177/01461672211016920

 

Lavner, J. A., Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (2012). Do Cold Feet Warn of Trouble Ahead? Premarital Uncertainty and Four-Year Marital Outcomes. Journal of Family Psychology : JFP : Journal of the Division of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (Division 43), 26(6), 1012–1017. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0029912

 

Lebow, J., & Snyder, D. K. (2022). Couple therapy in the 2020s: Current status and emerging developments. Family Process, 61(4), 1359–1385. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12824

 

Zhan, S., Shrestha, S., & Zhong, N. (2022). Romantic relationship satisfaction and phubbing: The role of loneliness and empathy. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 967339. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.967339

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Written By: Dr. Wasif MD

Edited by: Madison Vargas, BS

Medically Reviewed By: Dr. Kyle Zrenchik, PhD, LMFT

Published : 02/20/2024

 

Disclaimer: ALL IN Therapy Clinic aims to improve people’s lives. We do this through providing effective mental health counseling by passionate professionals. Inspired by this, we write content for your own education. Also, our content is researched, cited, reviewed, and edited by licensed mental health professionals. However, the information we provide is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Additionally, it should not be used in place of the advice of a qualified healthcare provider.

Written and reviewed by

Madison Vargas