One in three Americans have admitted to cheating on their partners. Of those who had cheated, 24 percent also reported admitting the details of the affair to their partner. The results can be emotionally devastating.
It is possible for a relationship to survive and to rebuild the trust between a couple after infidelity. However, complete honesty and hard work from both partners are essential.
For those whose relationships have been rocked by infidelity, answered below are some of the most common questions about rebuilding your relationship. This information can provide extra guidance and help to point you in the right direction.
Table of Contents
(click on a question to be directed quickly)
Can you overcome infidelity through counseling?
How do I help my spouse trust me again?
How long will my partner be mad at me for cheating?
What should I not do to save my marriage after an infidelity?
Is it true that some marriages become stronger after an infidelity?
How do I earn forgiveness for cheating?
How do I win back my partner after cheating on them?
Should I tell my partner about my infidelity? What should I tell them?
How long does it take for a marriage to survive infidelity?
Can You Overcome Infidelity Through Counseling?
Attending regular therapy sessions is often one of the most effective ways to repair a relationship after infidelity. Both individual therapy and couples counseling are useful in these situations.
Individual therapy is good for both the individual who was unfaithful and the individual who was cheated on. These one-on-one sessions can help each person to understand why they chose to have an affair or why they responded to the news about the affair in a particular way.
Couples counseling is also beneficial. It can give both you and your partner the tools you need to strengthen your bond and save your marriage.
Discernment counseling is also another option if you are considering ending a relationship but are not yet sure. Even if you ultimately decide to separate (infidelity may be the cause of 20 percent of divorce), attending couples counseling can help you and your spouse to have a more amicable divorce. This protects you and other family members from additional harm. Plus, you don’t need to be a married couple to consider Couples Counseling; dating couples also benefit.
Seek the guidance of a professional that has been trained and educated in dealing with mental health conditions. Psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists are some of the professionals that have specialized knowledge and skills that are essential for constructing a mental health care plan.
Our previous article on picking a good therapist covered several factors to look out for when seeking professional help, including expertise and credentials. Knowing how to form a team of trusted, qualified professionals will lead to a superior quality of treatment, and increase your chances for a successful recovery.
How Do I Help My Spouse Trust Me Again?
It’s normal for the betrayed spouse to have trouble trusting their partner again after infidelity. Even if they have technically forgiven their partner, the healing process takes a long time for most people.
When rebuilding trust with your spouse or partner after infidelity, you should avoid contact with your affair partner. Delete their cell phone number, stay away from their social media accounts, and prove to your partner that you’re no longer going to pursue a relationship with that person.
Trust is going to take a long time to slowly earn back. It comes though many good decisions on your part, including doing your own therapy to discover the reasons why you cheated.
How Long Will My Partner Be Mad at Me for Cheating?
When contemplating the effects of infidelity and your partner’s healing, it’s important to remember that many people experience post-traumatic stress after experiencing infidelity. In fact, according to this study published by the journal Stress and Health, more than 45 percent of participants showed signs of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) after their partner was unfaithful.
There is no one-size-fits-all timeline for your partner to forgive you and heal from an affair. Everyone grieves in their own way and works through trauma at their own pace.
Some people may take a few weeks or months to get over their feelings of anger and hurt, whereas others may take years before they can fully forgive and move forward. Some may never stop being angry at all, in which case you may need to end the relationship altogether.
To some degree, your partner may always be upset about your infidelity. There is no guarantee that your partner will no longer be mad about it. That is something that you must keep in mind when developing expectations for each other moving forward.
What Should I Not Do to Save My Marriage After Infidelity?
Everyone’s healing is different. In general, though, some actions should be avoided at all costs after infidelity.
For example, you should not lie to your spouse or partner. You must be completely honest and forthcoming about your actions.
If you keep secrets, gradually drip out information and intimate details over a long period, it will be harder for your partner to heal and feel that they can trust you.
Being defensive or placing blame