He doesn’t want to have sex with me. Is my husband gay?

Introduction

If a woman’s husband no longer wants to have sex with her, she may immediately jump to the conclusion that he’s gay. However, there are plenty of other factors that could contribute to intimacy issues.

Outlined below are answers to some common questions women might ask if their husbands no longer want to have sex with them.

Table of Contents

(click on a question below to be directed quickly)

Why Don’t Men Want to Have Sex with Their Wives?
If He Is Not Having Sex with Me, Is He Having Sex with Someone Else?
What Are Some Signs That My Husband Is Not Attracted to Women?
How Do I Find Out if My Husband Is Secretly Gay?
What Should You Do if You Find Out Your Husband Is Gay?
References

Why Don’t Men Want To Have Sex With Their Wives?

There are many potential reasons why a man doesn’t want to have sex with his wife, including these:

• Stress and anxiety around work, finances, or other issues can zap their energy and sex drive (according to a report published by the Archives of Sexual Behavior journal, this is common among men and women)
• Low testosterone, which affects 1 in 50 men (according to the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center) can diminish a man’s sex drive
• Other medical conditions like erectile dysfunction which affects 52 percent of men (according to this study from the Journal of Urology), could cause a man to feel insecure about his sexual performance

If you believe you have a medical problem, schedule an appointment with a medical expert.

If He Is Not Having Sex With Me, Is He Having Sex With Someone Else?

Infidelity may contribute to a man’s sudden lack of sex drive and desire for his partner. If he’s secretly dating someone else, he may be more interested in being intimate with her.

Turning down sex doesn’t always point to infidelity, though. It could be an indicator of another problem, like the health and wellness-related issues mentioned above.

What Are Some Signs That My Husband Is Not Attracted To Women?

Of course, there’s a chance that a woman’s husband isn’t interested in having sex with her because he’s attracted to men and not women. Here are a few potential indicators that this may be the case:

• Sexual activity declines early in the marriage and never picks back up again
• He seems turned off by sexual activity
• Sexual activity feels mechanical and not passionate
• He has gay pornography on his computer

These issues, including gay pornography, do not automatically mean that a man is gay. Some men are gay and don’t display any of these behaviors. Others are straight and still do for a myriad of other reasons.

How Do I Find Out If My Husband Is Secretly Gay?

If a woman has concerns about her husband being secretly gay, snooping and spying are discouraged. As the journal Partner Abuse points out, this behavior fosters more distrust and resentment.

Working with a marriage and family therapist or another mental health professional is a better approach. Therapy provides a safe space for both partners to address their concerns.