How to Forgive Someone After a Betrayal

Introduction

According to the American Psychological Association, a betrayal occurs anytime someone violates another person’s expectations and breaks their trust.

Whether it’s infidelity in a marriage or sharing information that a friend wanted to keep private, betrayal can be hard to recover from. It is possible, though.

For those who are struggling after a betrayal, such as an infidelity or boundary violation, the questions and answers below can provide more clarity and guidance.

Table of Contents

(click on a question below to be directed quickly)

Why Does a Betrayal Hurt So Bad?
What Do I Do When I Find Out Someone Betrayed Me?
Is It Okay to Forgive Someone Who Cheated?
How to Forgive Someone and Move On?
Why Is It So Hard to Forgive?
How Much Time and Space Can I Take Before I Need to Forgive?
References

Why Does a Betrayal Hurt So Bad?

When one person breaks another person’s trust, it can feel impossible to get over and move on. There are lots of reasons why betrayal is so painful and hard to deal with.

First of all, betrayal inherently involves relationships, from marriages and friendships to work relationships. This makes the other person or people’s actions feel personal, and it’s extra-hard to brush that off and move forward.

Betrayal also feels scary and confusing. It causes people to second-guess their relationships, wonder if they did something wrong, and wonder whether or not they can continue trusting the person who hurt them.

As this report from the journal Psychological Trauma points out, betrayal can even be traumatic. Research published by the journal Behaviour Research and Therapy explains that it can also contribute to anxiety disorders and PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).

What Do I Do When I Find Out Someone Betrayed Me?

After finding out that they’ve been betrayed, a person might initially want to lash out or seek revenge. These feelings are understandable, but they can do more damage.

When someone finds out that they’ve been betrayed, a better approach is to take a step back and try to assess their feelings in a safe place.

Taking time away from the person who caused harm, if possible, is also a good idea. It gives the hurt person time to reflect without feeling pressured to get over the harm as quickly as possible.

Once the hurt person has had a chance to reflect and assess the situation, they can decide how they want to move forward. Perhaps they want to go to therapy, seek support from another professional, or end the relationship altogether.

Is It Okay to Forgive Someone Who Cheated?

This report from the Journal of Clinical Psychology reveals that 2-4 percent of married individuals engage in some kind of extramarital activity.

If one person is unfaithful in a relationship, that doesn’t always mean the relationship is over. If the person who cheated is truly remorseful and wants to work to fix the root problems in the relationship, there is hope.

This is where working with a therapist or counselor can be extremely helpful. An objective professional, such as a therapist, can help both parties assess the situation, name their feelings, and create a plan to move forward and prevent future infidelities and betrayals from happening.

How to Forgive Someone and Move On?

According to this report published by the